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Post #1 Ocena: 0 2008-12-15 18:42:19 (16 lat temu) |
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Anonim |
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| vitek | Post #2 Ocena: 0 2008-12-17 18:20:12 (16 lat temu) |
Posty: 3922 
Konto zablokowane Z nami od: 19-06-2007 Skąd: Yorkshire |
They say that before you criticise someone you have to walk a mile in his shoes. But do you know why?
Because after you've walked a mile you're a mile away from him, so you can criticise him now as much as you like. Note that as you have his shoes on, he won't follow you. The Mythbuster
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| vitek | Post #3 Ocena: 0 2008-12-18 21:27:52 (16 lat temu) |
Posty: 3922
Konto zablokowane Z nami od: 19-06-2007 Skąd: Yorkshire |
Emergency services complain about people who call 999 even if they're just having common cold, and are not actually ill.
But how do you know if you're ill or not? Well, that can be easily tested using a Ł20 note. You're ill in your bed, you look though the window and see a Ł20 note laying on the sidewalk. You get up, dress, go out and pick the note. That means you're not ill, you're only having cold. But if you see the note, but can't get up, dress and go out to pick it - you're actually ill. It's ok to call emergency (the guy who came with the idea forgot to say the test doesn't work on windy weather  )
[ Ostatnio edytowany przez: vitek 18-12-2008 23:51 ] The Mythbuster
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Post #4 Ocena: 0 2009-01-15 12:53:03 (16 lat temu) |
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Anonim |
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| eltax1978 | Post #5 Ocena: 0 2009-01-15 13:05:15 (16 lat temu) |
 Posty: 415 
Z nami od: 27-03-2008 Skąd: londyn |
Cytat: 2009-01-15 12:53:03, JOY1980 napisał(a): Paddy & Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster! Paddy missed the tube & Mick came on the bus!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whiskey. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink. He replied in disgust 'I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!' Paddy handed his drink back & said 'Me too, I didnt know we had a choice!' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks 'How many people are flying with you?' Paddy replies 'I dont know! Its your plane!!' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy & Murphy are working on a building site. Paddy says to Murphy 'Im gonna have the day off, Im gonna pretend Im mad!' He climbs up the rafters , hangs upside down & shouts 'I'M A LIGHTBULB! I'M A LIGHTBULB!' Murphy watches in amazement! The Foreman shouts 'Paddy you're mad, go home' So he leaves the site. Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well. 'Where the hell are you going?' asks the Foreman. 'I cant work in the friggin dark! ' says Murphy. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex Paddy says 'I wonder how the girls are getting on' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses & lies on the bed spreadeagled & says 'Yo know what I want dont you?' 'Yeah,' says Paddy. 'The whole friggin bed by the looks of it!' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Q. Whats a Catholic priest & a pint of Guiness got in common? A. black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy the electrician got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy's chat up lines: 1. Did ya fart? 'Cos ya just blew me away! 2. Are your parents retarded? 'Cos your special! 3. My love for you is like diarrhoea. I just cant hold it in! 4. Is there a mirror in your knickers? 'Cos I can see myself in them! 5. Your body reminds me of a spanner. Evertime I think of you my nuts tighten up! 6. You might not be the best looking girl in here, but beauty is only a light switch away! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy & his wife are lying in bed & the neighbours dog is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says 'To hell with this!' & storms off. He comes back upstairs 5 mins later & his wife asks 'What did you do?' Paddy replies 'Ive put the dog in our garden, lets see how they like it!' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ An Irishman is shagging a Jewish girl & says 'You're not very tight for a Jew!' She says 'Well you're not very thick for a Paddy!' ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue. 'Be Jeysus!' he said, 'I didnt even know they had mobile phones!' ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mick & Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say 'Crikey! Theres a bloke here who was 152!' Paddy says 'Whats his name?' Mick replies 'Miles from London !' ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An Irishman is rowing his boat in a field of hay. Paddy is driv driving past & stops. He looks at the Irishman in the boat & shouts 'Its thick boggies like you that give us Irish a bad name! I'd come over there & kick the s**t out of you if I could swim!' NEWS JUST IN ! Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque. They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside. Two Asian heroin addicts have injected themselves with curry powder by mistake - both are in intensive care. One has a dodgy tikka and the other one is in a korma. During last night's high winds an African family were killed by a falling tree. A spokesman for Birmingham Council said 'We didn't even know they were living up there' dzieki dawno tak sie nie usmialam ![:-]](modules/Forum/images/smiles/lol.gif ":-]") Piwo jest napojem chlodzacym ...zapal do pracy
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Post #6 Ocena: 0 2009-01-15 13:47:38 (16 lat temu) |
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Anonim |
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Post #7 Ocena: 0 2009-01-31 19:18:16 (16 lat temu) |
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Anonim |
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| marcinb | Post #8 Ocena: 0 2009-02-11 01:40:06 (16 lat temu) |
 Posty: 7163
Z nami od: 20-05-2006 Skąd: Newark on Trent |
One time this pirate walks into a bar. He's got the ship's steering wheel attached to the crotch of his pants.
Bartender says: - Hey, pirate, you got a steering wheel coming out of your pants! And the pirate nods and says: - Arrgh! It's driving me nuts! Wyobraźnia jest ważniejsza od wiedzy, ponieważ wiedza jest ograniczona - Albert Einstein
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| drucianka | Post #9 Ocena: 0 2010-09-30 16:28:51 (15 lat temu) |
 Posty: 414
Z nami od: 13-10-2007 |
Engaged, Mistress or Married The black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and of course I have been married for 20+ years. We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by wearing a black leather bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes. Here's how it all went. My engaged friend: The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams. I love you.' Then we made love all night long. The mistress: Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels and mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night. Then I had to share my story: When my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman? |
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| drucianka | Post #10 Ocena: 0 2010-09-30 16:31:37 (15 lat temu) |
Posty: 414
Z nami od: 13-10-2007 |
On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.
Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of relationships in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril and they all stare riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says. He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: "Iron this." |
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