Forum dyskusyjne

Dad at Comedy Barn

The latest poll taken by the Government asked people who live in Ireland if they think Polish immigration is a serious problem:
23% of respondents answered: Yes, it is a serious problem.
77% of respondents answered: Absolutnie zaden. To nie jest powazna kwestia.

"DEFINITION OF BRAVERY"
Coming home drunk, covered in lipstick, smelling of perfume, then slapping the wife on the arse and saying "You're next fatty"

What is the longest word in the English language?

"Smiles". Because there is a mile between its first and last letters!

A husband and wife go on holiday for their 25th anniversary. When they are talking about their first night together,the wife asks

"What were you thinking when I first undressed and you saw my naked body?"
The man replies, " I wanted to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry"

Then as the woman undressed,she asks "What do you think now?"

He replied, " I think I did a pretty good job."

Why ? Why ? Why ? .....


Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'Lisp'?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what colour bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not in a sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialised?

Why do people keep running over a piece of cotton a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead insects get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone runs into us with a shopping trolley then apologises for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot?'

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And finally...

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.