A man went into a restaurant which was offering a fixed-menu, three-course meal. When the waiter brought the first course, the man tasted it and said: "What is this?''

The waiter replied: "It's bean soup.''

The man then said: "I don't care what it's been. What is it supposed to be now?''

It's Saint Patrick's day and an armed hooded robber bursts into the Bank of Ireland and forces the cashiers to load a sack full of cash. On his way out the door with the loot one brave Irish customer grabs the hood and pulls it off revealing the robber's face.

The robber shoots the man without hesitation.

He then looks around the bank to see if anyone else has seen him. One of the cashiers is looking straight at him and the robber walks over and calmly shoots him dead.
Everyone by now is very scared and looking down at the floor.

"Did anyone else see my face?" screams the robber.

There is a few moments of silence then one elderly Irish gent, looking down, tentatively raises his hand and says, "I think my wife here may have caught a glimpse."

good one)

oops, that will teach me to copy and paste

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Two cannibals are eating a slow roasted comedian and one says to the other
"Does this taste funny to you?"

Irishman Mike Murphy and his pregnant wife live on a farm in the distant rural regions. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is begins to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mikey. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, "Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mikey." Soon the doctor delivers the next child. "You've a full set now, Mikey. A beautiful baby daughter."
"Thanks be to..."
Again the Doctor cuts in, "Hold the lantern, Mikey, Hold the lantern!" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor
holds up the baby for Mike's inspection.
"Doctor," asks Mike, "Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?"

The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks, "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"

The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff...

I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants... so I did. Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts so I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town cowboy... ', and well here I am."


The Italian says, "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream non stop for five minutes."

The Frenchman says, "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil, and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight."

The Indian says, That's nothing. Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with Ghee. I caressed her entire body, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours."

The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two hours, phenomenal! How did you make her scream for two hours?"

The Indian replied, "I wiped my hands on the curtains...!"

A man walks up to a woman at their office and says her hair smells nice.

The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's office and tells him she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why.

The supervisor is puzzled and says, "What's wrong with a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?"

The woman replies, "He's a midget."

A man walks into a tattoo parlor and says he would like a $100 dollar bill on his dick.

Well the tattoo artist laughs and says, "I'll do it for free if you can give me one good reason for it."

The guy thinks for a second and says, "Well one, I like to keep my money in my pants, two I like to watch my money grow, and three I want to see how fast my wife can blow a $100.

From Amazon - product review

* Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml (Personal Care)
"Being a loose cannon who does not play by the rules the first thing I did was ignore the warning and smear this all over my knob and bollocks. The bollocks I knew and loved are gone now. In their place is a maroon coloured bag of agony which sends stabs of pain up my body every time it grazes against my thigh or an article of clothing. I am suffering so that you don't have to. Heed my lesson. DO NOT PUT ON KNOB AND BOLLOCKS.

(I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.)"