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Zygmunt_Merytor

Post #1 Ocena: 0

2020-07-12 20:11:12 (4 lata temu)

Zygmunt_Merytoryczny

Posty: 1039

Mężczyzna

Z nami od: 15-03-2018

Skąd: Edinburgh

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, 'Son, how old are you?'
'Eight', the boy replied.
The man continued, 'Do you know what these are used for?'
The boy replied, 'Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four."
"Oh, really?" the pharmacist replied with a grin.
"Yes." the boy said. "We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim, play tennis and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do none of those."
A ja z tym trzymam, kto co w czas uchwyci - reszta mnie meczy.

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Zygmunt_Merytor

Post #2 Ocena: 0

2020-07-13 09:53:36 (4 lata temu)

Zygmunt_Merytoryczny

Posty: 1039

Mężczyzna

Z nami od: 15-03-2018

Skąd: Edinburgh



A man sees a sign outside a house -
'Talking Dog For Sale.'
He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.
"Yes," the Labrador replies. After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story."
The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I joined the SAS. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."
The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
"Ten quid," the owner says. "£10!!? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
"Because he's a lying bastard. He's never been out of the garden."



A ja z tym trzymam, kto co w czas uchwyci - reszta mnie meczy.

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Zygmunt_Merytor

Post #3 Ocena: 0

2020-07-14 19:40:40 (4 lata temu)

Zygmunt_Merytoryczny

Posty: 1039

Mężczyzna

Z nami od: 15-03-2018

Skąd: Edinburgh

A group of blokes, all aged 40, discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the barstaff had big breasts and wore short skirts.

Ten years later, at age 50, the friends once again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the barstaff were attractive, the food and service was good and the beer selection was excellent.

Ten years later, at age 60, the friends again discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because there was plenty of parking, they could dine in peace and quiet with no loud music, and it was good value for money.

Ten years later, at age 70, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and had a toilet for the disabled.

Ten years later, at age 80, the friends discussed where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they would meet at Wetherspoons in Uxbridge because they had never been before.

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My wife complained that my life revolving round Facebook has destroyed the way we communicate as a family...….so l blocked her

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My mate confessed to me that he has a weird habit of colouring in the tops of people’s arms...

I think he was just looking for a shoulder to crayon....

[ Ostatnio edytowany przez: Zygmunt_Merytoryczny 14-07-2020 19:43 ]

A ja z tym trzymam, kto co w czas uchwyci - reszta mnie meczy.

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Turefu

Post #4 Ocena: 0

2020-07-14 20:29:34 (4 lata temu)

Turefu

Posty: 4026

Kobieta

Z nami od: 26-05-2013

Skąd: York

Podobal mi sie ten o kumplach w Uxbridge :)

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Strona WWW

Zygmunt_Merytor

Post #5 Ocena: 0

2020-07-15 14:09:20 (4 lata temu)

Zygmunt_Merytoryczny

Posty: 1039

Mężczyzna

Z nami od: 15-03-2018

Skąd: Edinburgh

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob’s arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At their very first chance, they corner him and ask, “Bob, how’d you get the trophy girlfriend?” Bob replied, “Girlfriend? She's my wife!” They’re knocked over, but continue to ask: “So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?” “I lied about my age,” Bob replied. “What? Did you tell her you were only 50?” Bob smiled and said, “No, I told her I was 90.”
A ja z tym trzymam, kto co w czas uchwyci - reszta mnie meczy.

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Zygmunt_Merytor

Post #6 Ocena: 0

2020-08-24 21:53:26 (4 lata temu)

Zygmunt_Merytoryczny

Posty: 1039

Mężczyzna

Z nami od: 15-03-2018

Skąd: Edinburgh

A horse walks into a bar

The bartender says, "Hey."

The horse says, "Sure."
A ja z tym trzymam, kto co w czas uchwyci - reszta mnie meczy.

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Zygmunt_Merytor

Post #7 Ocena: 0

2020-09-21 11:13:47 (4 lata temu)

Zygmunt_Merytoryczny

Posty: 1039

Mężczyzna

Z nami od: 15-03-2018

Skąd: Edinburgh

I am not happy. I work at the museum & yesterday the made me move suits of armour all day.
I hate knight shifts.
A ja z tym trzymam, kto co w czas uchwyci - reszta mnie meczy.

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Zygmunt_Merytor

Post #8 Ocena: 0

2020-10-09 18:37:44 (4 lata temu)

Zygmunt_Merytoryczny

Posty: 1039

Mężczyzna

Z nami od: 15-03-2018

Skąd: Edinburgh

A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt. Archaeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Rocher
A ja z tym trzymam, kto co w czas uchwyci - reszta mnie meczy.

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Zygmunt_Merytor

Post #9 Ocena: 0

2020-10-11 14:54:31 (4 lata temu)

Zygmunt_Merytoryczny

Posty: 1039

Mężczyzna

Z nami od: 15-03-2018

Skąd: Edinburgh

If I could take Abba out to lunch I would, my friend, for Nandos.

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l witnessed this council worker cruelly squashing and innocent snail with his foot. l asked him why did he do that? He replied that the wee c.nt had been following him around all day


A ja z tym trzymam, kto co w czas uchwyci - reszta mnie meczy.

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Zygmunt_Merytor

Post #10 Ocena: 0

2020-10-26 10:17:10 (4 lata temu)

Zygmunt_Merytoryczny

Posty: 1039

Mężczyzna

Z nami od: 15-03-2018

Skąd: Edinburgh

Last night I feel asleep face down in my curry listening to REM.
That's me in the korma.
A ja z tym trzymam, kto co w czas uchwyci - reszta mnie meczy.

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