Usunięte

Dear Mother-in-Law
I don't need you to teach me how to handle my children. I'm living with one of yours & he still needs a lot of improvement.

--------------
"Mommy, my turtle is dead," the little boy, Johnny, sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand.

The mother kissed him on the head, then said, "That's all right. We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet."

"Ice cream?" the little boy said, wiping his tears and smiling, "Oh! Boy!"

His mother said, "I don't want you..."

Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move, "Johnny, you're turtle is not dead after all."

"Oh," the disappointed boy said. "Can I kill it?"

-----------------------

A rich old man marries a girl barely out of her teens. Needless to say she is asking for it.

So when they get into bed on the wedding night she asks him, "So are we going to have rampant sex tonight?"

The man responds by raising his hand and outstretching his fingers.
"What, five times?", asks the eager girl.

"No", he replied. "Pick a finger."

------------------------

Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, "'Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.

He said, "Do you have any rye bread?" She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "I want 5 loaves."

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves... by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard."

Auggie replied, "I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this shit but me."

-------------------

After going through Lamaze, Leboyer, and LeLeche classes with his expectant wife, the proud new father remained by her beside throughout the labor and delivery.

Wanting to be as sympathetic as possible, he took his wife's hand afterward and said, emotionally, "Tell me how it was, Darling, how it actually felt to give birth."

"OK, Honey," his wife replied. "Smile as big as you can."

Beaming down at his wife and child, the man followed her instructions, "That's not hard."

She continued, "Now stick a finger in each corner of your mouth."

He obeyed, smiling broadly.

"Now stretch your lips as far as they'll go," she went on.

"Still not too tough," he remarked.

"Right," she snapped. "Now pull them over your head."

a filmiki mozna?...jezeli nie to prosze szanowna administracje o wykasowanie.

Usunięte

Usunięte

Usunięte

Usunięte

Usunięte