Szymku!
drugi i ostatni -powiedz jak zapamiętać!

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ctr +a to mu zaznacza wszytko,
można shift + strzałeczka albo shift i END, zaznacza całą linijkę, z ctr + lewy przycisk myszy i zaznaczasz tekst myszą

nie mogę odszukać ctrl na czole.

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Wbiega zdyszany facet na peron, w momencie gdy pociąg już ruszał.
Podchodzi do dyżurnego ruchu i z trudem łapiąc oddech pyta.
Jaki to był pociąg?
- Zielony.
- ??
- No, ale dokąd?
- Do połowy...

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Antek łoznajmja Franckowi:
- Mjarkuj, synek! Jada autym do Angli!
Na to Francek:
- A czy ty wjesz, że tam je ruch lewostrónny?...
Spotykajóm sie nastympnego dnia i Antek łod razu zaczyna:
- Dobrze, żeś mi pedzioł ło tym ruchu lewostrónnym!... Wypróbowołech ze Bytómia do Katowic. To je koszmar!!!



Teacher:
Pepito, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?

Pepito answered:
Drin-king, smo-king and fuc-king.



Cameron postanowił odwiedzić szpitale, aby sprawdzić jak wygląda sprawa opieki medycznej w kraju. Pojechał więc do najlepszego szpitala i idzie z dyrektorem na obchód. W jednej sali widzi masturbującego się mężczyznę i pyta zgorszony:
- Co to ma znaczyć? To oburzające!
Lekarz:
- Ten pacjent choruje na nadprodukcję nasienia. Jeżeli nie będzie się masturbował przynajmniej 5 razy dziennie, jego jądra eksplodują i najprawdopodobniej umrze.
- Aha - odrzekł Cameron - Bardzo przykra sprawa.
Idą dalej i widzą jak pielęgniarka robi loda pacjentowi. Cameron pyta:
- A to co znowu?
Lekarz odpowiada:
- Choroba ta sama co poprzednio, ale pacjent leczy się prywatnie.



Communication Skills
Jack and Mark are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Mark replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"

The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Mark says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."

And so Mark goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son, by all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."
-------------------

European English
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen world!

Viagra-like drugs for Women
With the introduction of Viagra in response a perennial male problem, a reputed pharmaceutical company is now working on a range of new drugs in an attempt to redress the balance...

MIRRORCILLIN
A 5cc dose enables a woman to walk past mirrors for up to four hours without pausing once.

STOPPANAGGIN
Gives women a vague feeling of contentment towards their spouse or boyfriend.

COSMOPOLIRA
Raises female intelligence to levels allowing 'facts' in trash lifestyle magazines to be disputed.

LOGICON
Trials have showed that females taking this were able to follow a proposition through to its logical conclusion, and argue effectively without being diverted into non relevant postulates such as 'you don't love me anymore'

PARKATRON
72% of women taking this were able to safely reverse park a car Fiesta into a space only 12 meters long; 54% achieved this in under 15 minutes.

MAGNATACK
Uniquely distorts the cornea, making certain shapes appear much larger than in reality – no practical use for this drug has yet been found.

WARDROBIA
Clinical trials show that almost 23% of women taking this drug can safely walk past a sale notice, and an amazing 42% actually stayed within their credit limit.

BEERINTULIN
Engenders a female desire to bring her spouse/boyfriend alcoholic beverages and snacks during televised sports.